Ok, I have been quiet long enough, but I must speak out. I have tried to protect the life choice of several of my girls, but I must give my opinion. . well because I am the mom and this is my blog.
About a year ago we begin to face the Harsh reality of parenthood. As Foster parents a different reality sets in when kids you have seen through the brutal years of teenagerhood start to "make their own choices". Yes "make their own choices" is what we will call it, but we all know what it means. Teenagers facing early adulthood have one thing on their mind. . Independence, notice with a capital I. (there are so many spiritual analogies I could apply here, but I will at the end)
I have cried my eyes out, screamed, defended, helped, driven, yelled, begged, pleaded, preached at, talked with, prayed over and prayed for these girls. They are mine! I have earned the stripes to be called mother and J has earned the stripes to be called father, trust me EARNED THEM, not even their biological mothers call to tell them Happy Birthday, write letters, or check on them. To my knowledge they have never even sought them out. I have poured the sweat and tears into seeing them to where they are. . Young Adulthood. Several of our girls came during the most tumultuous years of their lives, PUBERTY. Most of their worldviews on life had been burned into memory due to the circumstances from which they came. Many ADULT topics they were exposed to were set in place. The images were there, had been felt, lived out and witnessed. . there is no turning back the permanency of the effects of what they have seen. (yes it matters if your small child witnesses a fight between mother and father, yes it matters if your small child wants to see a PG-13 movie, but that is another post) Many of the children we have helped through the years come to us with scarring that is not their fault, to add to their pain, there is no one, no one lining up to parent them!
We have tried to "play catch-up" if you will, to pour into and invest all we can into our children that did without for many of the early years of their lives. We have invested in private schools, taken them on vacations, plane trips, church trips, family meals fit for kings, had devotions, prayed together,. . you name it, we wanted them to HAVE it, SEE it, LIVE it. Thanks to our unique and special organization so much has been provided for them. BUT when early adulthood sets in, somehow it isn't enough anymore. They want to do it their way, don't we all. BUT when the price to pay is hurting so many people in your path to GET what YOU WANT. The price is too high, for me! BUT not for them.
In the past week, two of our girls have decided to take life by the reigns and do it all on their own. Are they equipped for the journey? Maybe, maybe not. BUT the problem is the destruction and forest fire left behind has left all of us blindsided, hurt, crushed, disappointed and faced with a harshness that stings. To watch small children left behind cry out that those they have developed relationships with have just walked out on them without saying goodbye is just wrong. It is the harsh reality of what we do. . care for orphans in their distress. But what about when they "don't want you anymore". . you keep loving them, but watch them chose a path that will bring disaster? What then? How do you manage?
Oh how our Lord must mourn for us daily when we take the reigns from Him. Who are we to think that we know better than Him, and when we cry out to Him. . "I don't need you, I'm gonna take this one, you don't know better than me." A parent's frustration and I in my state is only a tiny percentage of what He must feel for us DAILY! To watch all He provides for us, then to turn back to sin constantly.. HIS love and mercy humbles me. I can only offer the same for my children because He has done that for me. That's how I keep going, that's how I face the harshness, and that's how I continue in the daily grind. . because I know I have Hope in a Savior that promises a final chapter of redemption for all of His children, even mine.